Wednesday, September 15, 2010

When I was in high school I said a prayer every night. I memorized it from a book I was given by my Aunt Dorothy.
It was a small book of prayers. I wonder if Aunt Dorothy gave it to me for confirmation, that would fit. It wasn't a typical Aunt Dorothy gift. Must have been confirmation.

Here is the prayer;

Stay by my side dear God above.
Protect and guide me with your love.
Forgive me for bad things I do and
help me to be more like you.
Protect my parents, stay by their side.
Be hear my friends to guard and guide.
Bring love to children everywhere and keep
them in your tender care.
And with each morning let the sun
bring warmth and joy to everyone.

And then my parents died.

And I didn't stop saying this prayer.

I inserted Nancy and Binky into the prayer.

Protect Nancy and Binky, stay by their side.

It makes me wonder why I didn't stop praying that prayer altogether.

The protect your parents part didn't pan out.

I remember examining what I believed to be true.
I couldn't stop believing in God and believing in His Son, Jesus, because my parents died.

Either they were in heaven with God or they were in the ground.

In the ground was not an option for me.

I believed that God created this world, that the Bible was true and that Jesus died on the cross for my sins.
This was my core.

Fast forward to today.

I don't say that prayer anymore. Well. I actually said it last night as I went to bed and that's what made me think about all of this today. But I don't generally say that prayer.

I do however have a scripture on my wall that has been on my wall for over 14 years.

And it taunts me. It mocks me. I can barely look at it.

"For I know the plans I have for you,
plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans for a hope and a future,"
Jeremiah 29

Perhaps my friend, Cindy was right. She said this verse was for Jeremiah.
Not necessarily a promise to all who read it.

I have kind of clung to that verse. Perhaps naively and wrongly.

And now that Sue has died it troubles my soul. It has shaken my soul and spirit and I'm trying to figure it all out.

How can I believe that verse is true?
Is it filled with false hope?

I understand the 'doctirne' of suffering. I have listened to Elisabeth Elliot long enough to understand that suffering is
a part of this life. It's a major part of our walk and sanctification. Death is a part of that suffering. I have studied this extensively.

Do I just need to be careful to understand what are promises God has made to us.
God keeps his promises. He can not lie.

God promises to be with us.

The LORD is my shepherd,
I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside quiet waters.

He restores my soul;
He guides me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You have anointed my head with oil;
My cup overflows.

Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me
all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

Psalm 23

That verse. I believe that verse is true.

I believe God was with Sue as she walked thru that valley.

It's just so sad to come to the realization that something you have believed in for so long is not true. (jer.29)

(No harm.
A hope and a future.)

My soul weeps.

My sunny optimistic verse is coming down from the wall unless one of my wise readers can explain to me how this really is a verse for us.

Help me out friends.


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