These horrific two months.
With our parents. It's one day. One year to remember.
But with Sue, it's these two months.
There is so much to remember, so much to mourn.
But there was love and levity and togetherness also.
The love was so big.
The tumor so terrible.
I remember them equally.
Devastation.
Love.
I don't sob nearly as often but
I still think about her every single day.
And especially these two months when we all walked Susie 'home'.
I was looking at my blog from March 2010 this morning because it came up on my memories on Facebook. Today is the day I shared just a little bit about what was happening in Sue's life...our lives.
Sue had commented the previous day on the blog...and said she had a brain defect.
She concluded,
Love you.
Mean it.
The following picture and quote are from that time. (And from my blog posts)
Those first days of March when I went to Missouri to love my sister.
""Don't you think it's rather nice to think that we're in a book that God's writing? If I were writing a book, I might make mistakes. But God knows how to make the story end just right--in the way that's best for us."
"Do you really believe that, Mother?" Peter asked quietly.
"Yes," she said, "I do believe it--almost always--except when I'm so sad that I can't believe anything. But even when I don't believe it, I know it's true--and I try to believe it.'"
— Edith Nesbit
Still trying to believe it,
Donna Elsie
Dear Donna Elsie,
ReplyDeleteNo words, except I'm keeping you in my prayers.
Love you. Mean it.
I did not get here in time for yesterday's blog...to comment on John Updike, dear man and what a really good poet. Today I just feel like giving you a big {{{HUG}}}. I feel like you are feeling in December for that is the month when my sister died. In one of my quote books: Rabbi Harold Kushner said "I would rather think of life as a good book. The further you get into it, the more it begins to come together and make sense." I know my book has many pages, and not everything makes sense quite yet, but I am hopeful and have faith for myself and for you. love and prayers, jep
ReplyDeleteOne other thought: I just finished reading a book entitled Kayak Morning by Roger Rosenblatt. It is about how he is dealing or rather not dealing with his grief over the death of his young in her twenties daughter. He goes to a therapist who says, "Grief comes to you all at once, so you think it will be over all at once. But it is your guest for a lifetime. How should I treat this guest? This unwelcome, uninvited guest? Think of the one who sent it to you." We keep our loved ones alive in our thoughts and memories. jep
DeleteJep, thank you for sharing that quote. It is quite beautiful.
DeleteSuch meaningful words, jep. My grief for my mom is softened by the full life she led, and the many years I had with her, at least up until the dementia.
DeleteBut when it does hit me, the grief and deep emotion, I take it as a chance to remember and cherish her, even thru tears
"The love was so big." Hoping that love comforts you and all who are missing Sue. Sending ((hugs)) and big love to you, dear friend.
ReplyDeleteJohn and I were catching up on Madame Secretary last night and one of the episodes was about death and loss. It hit me like a kick in the stomach and I suddenly found myself crying. Amazing how grief can come around and be so strong once again. But loving one another really is worth it. Thanks for being such a beautiful reminder of how much it is worth. Love you, Donna Elsie. Mean it.
ReplyDeleteAlways,
Di
My heart hurts for you and your family, Donna. I know it doesn't get any easier as the days, weeks, months and years go by. Know you're prayed for by so many who read here. You're like a sister with beautiful pictures and words to share with all. Hugs from across the miles in South Carolina to you! (My husband says "Love you. Mean it." It makes me think of you.)
ReplyDeleteI remember. I'll always remember. You walking Sue home gave me the courage to walk my mom home three months later. Such. Sacred. Days. Love you. Mean it.
ReplyDeleteThis is Stephie, by the way. On the road, weird computers.
DeleteHug, Donna. Prayers too for peace and comfort.
ReplyDeleteI remember those days so well. So hard for you, but you handled everything so beautifully. What a wonderful family you have, and what a wonderful legacy of love you live.
ReplyDeleteYour tender heart will never cease to amaze. I know she feels your love all the way to Heaven.
ReplyDelete“There is nothing that can replace the absence of someone dear to us, and one should not even attempt to do so. One must simply hold out and endure it. At first that sounds very hard, but at the same time it is also a great comfort. For to the extent the emptiness truly remains unfilled one remains connected to the other person through it. It is wrong to say that God fills the emptiness. God in no way fills it but much more leaves it precisely unfilled and thus helps us preserve -- even in pain -- the authentic relationship. Further more, the more beautiful and full the remembrances, the more difficult the separation. But gratitude transforms the torment of memory into silent joy. One bears what was lovely in the past not as a thorn but as a precious gift deep within, a hidden treasure of which one can always be certain.”
ReplyDelete~ D. Bonhoeffer
"The law of loving others could not be discovered by reason, because it is unreasonable." Tolstoy
"Love is patient and kind, love never gives up, never loses...faith is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance. Three things will last forever, faith, hope, and love...and the greatest of these is love." I Corinthians 13:4,7,&13
Be encouraged~
My FB memories and Timehop are filled with reminders. It's bittersweet.
ReplyDeleteI love what you say....devastating. love. That's it exactly.
I'm sorry you are missing your Irish twin. Your other half. I miss her too. She was an amazing woman, sister, friend.
Love you
Mean it
Hugs.
ReplyDelete((((big hug)))))
ReplyDelete...peace...
ReplyDeleteBridget in Minnesota
Love and hugs to you, Miz Boo. I pray that the good thoughts and memories stay at the top of your mind over these two awful months. -Lori in Boston
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your life, Donna. I'm praying for you and yours.
ReplyDeleteI've followed your blog for the longest time. I remember the first time I read 'love you, mean it', such simple words with so much weight behind them.
ReplyDeleteOh, my dear Donna, I remember reading these words. Tears streaming.
ReplyDelete"Yes," she said, "I do believe it--almost always--except when I'm so sad that I can't believe anything. But even when I don't believe it, I know it's true--and I try to believe it.'"
And here I am, so many years later, still believing.
Love you
Mean it