Dear Trauma,

In Acceptance Lieth Peace

He said, "I will forget the dying faces;

The empty places,

They shall be filled again.

O voices moaning deep within me, cease."

But vain the word; vain, vain:

Not in forgetting lieth peace.

He said, "I will crowd action upon action

The strife of faction

Shall stir me and sustain;

O tears that drown the fire of Manhood cease."

But vain the word; vain, vain:

Not in endeavor lieth peace.

He said, "I will withdraw me and be quiet,

Why meddle in life's riot?

Shut be my door to pain.

Desire, thou dost befool me, thou shalt cease."

But vain the word; vain, vain:

Not in aloofness lieth peace.

He said, "I will submit;

I am defeated.

God hath depleted

My life of its rich gain.

O futile murmuring, why will ye not cease?"

But vain the word; vain, vain:

Not in submission lieth peace.

He said, "I will accept the breaking sorrow

Which God to-morrow

Will to His son explain."

Then did the turmoil deep within him cease.

Not vain the word, not vain.

For in Acceptance lieth peace."

~Amy Carmichael

*******

As I continue healing from my health issues, I find I have some trauma to deal with.

My brain loves to bring up and remind me of my most horrible moments.  It writes letters, tells the long story, is flabbergasted and mortified.   This happens in an instant and will go on for five or ten minutes until I catch it.  And I frown and say....dang, I'm spinning again.  And I stop.  And I'm not kidding, within a minute or two, my brain starts over again. Until I catch myself again.  I shake my head.  I try to replace the thoughts with mantras, prayers, Bible verses, songs, as above, breathing and a funny thing my doctor told me....  She said, and I can't remember exactly but it was something like, Hello Trauma, You are here again,  but it's time for you to leave, Good bye.  

And sometimes I just have to get up....cause you know this loves to happen when I'm in bed.

So I'm working on it. But the thoughts are very persistent. 

There are days when I feel like the medical issues will never end, the thoughts make life feel terrible and purposeless.  

I think the one thing I have not done is accepted that it happened, it's over, and I can't do anything to change it. 

 When I think about it, accepting a diagnosis like epilepsy or diabetes is not much different than accepting the things that are nagging at me.

 Until I do learn to accept those things as just a part of my story (and mostly in the past)  I will wonder and fret and rehash and feel blue.  

"Acceptance, in its truest sense, means acknowledging reality without resistance or judgment, regardless of whether you like or want the situation. It's about recognizing what is happening and letting go of the desire to change it, even if you don't approve of it. This allows for a calmer, more present state, reducing stress and anxiety." ~AI google definition.

"even if you don't approve"...or see the point of it.

We don't get to know the meaning to a lot of things in life,  but I am tired of fighting and being harrassed by the voices in my head.  So I will try to get rid of those thoughts by acknowledging them first and then...

Acceptance.

*******

He said, "I will accept the breaking sorrow
Which God to-morrow
Will to His son explain."
Then did the turmoil deep within him cease.
Not vain the word, not vain.
For in Acceptance lieth peace."

~Amy Carmichael

I'll let you know how it goes. 

Encourage one another, 

P.s. Thank you Janet and Cindy for praying, pointing always to the light and for your special loving words and care. Patrick too. Patrick too.

Dear Trauma.....