Friday, December 08, 2017

Stuck on LOVE

I wrote this in 2009.  And I just reread it today.
Thought I'd repost it.

Last night I finished reading Anne Lamott's book Plan B. 
I found some of her stories engaging and some hilarious, some were so sad and some were irritating.
But they are her stories told with her remarkable way of putting words together. She is self-deprecating and honest.
She is all about the love, baby. It's important to her to love.

It's just that....she has a real hard time loving her mom. She loves her by taking care of her when she is sick and dying.
But she really resents her for being the person she is. For her flaws and weird ways and inability to be a more normal/better mom.

It made me wonder if my children would only see my stupid flaws and weird ways and focus on those when I die.

And I suppose they will. At first. Parents have a way of hurting us when they are not perfect.

My parents were not perfect. But time has rinsed the pain away. What is left is the love.
I let those bad memories fade. I let them go. Way far way...into the fog.
The good memories, I draw near. I embrace them. I cherish them.

I think we need to be gentle with those who have died. 
Not for them. But for us.

Learning to forgive people for being the broken people they were is a balm to our souls.
Learning to have mercy heals our hearts.

Time heals.
Forgiveness heals.
Mercy heals.

And then what is left? 
The good parts.

The good parts of them. The good parts of us.

The love remains.
Like the cat's water bowl with the hard caked on lime. That lime that will not come off, no matter how hard you scrub.

That's what you want to be stuck with. That kind of stuck on love.

It's what remains.

With Love


  1. Beautiful words and so helpful.

  2. so lovely. so true. and not for those who are gone, but also for those still here who have caused great pain.

  3. Beautiful words, Donna. My husband's dad passed away on Sunday from Alzheimer's. 😞 It's a horrible disease. We will choose to remember all the good times.

    1. I'm very sorry Robin. God bless you as you mourn.

  4. Your words are so beautiful, Donna. Love wins.

  5. Teresa8:06 PM

    ... I also had a difficult at times (mostly after 5:00 p.m.) relationship with my Mom but like you say now I mostly only remember the LOVE. The most painful thing right now is the loss of my 23 year old nephew 4 months ago....not sure when I will be able to think of him not being here without crying or feeling so much pain especially for my brother who is so devastated.

    1. Oh Teresa, how tragic. Years. It will take years. I think of Sue everyday and talk about her so often, but it is not as painful as it once was. She died in 2010. Pray for your brother everyday. He may not be able to pray for himself at this point. :(

  6. Anonymous8:28 AM

    Oh Donna, you speak so beautifully and gently about the painful life situations, thank you! It is hard to remember the good things when a parent (like my dad) has Alzheimer's which has turned him into a totally different personality. We just must keep trying and let the bad "fade" into the fog as you say. Reminded me of an old quote by Eugene O'Neill "Man is born broken. He lives by mending. The grace of God is glue." Praying God's grace will heal all the broken parts in us all. love and prayers, jep

  7. Again with the beautiful, perfect quote. Thank you Jep. Bless you as you walk your Dad home.

    1. I am so ridiculously late to the party, but I agree, Donna. Such a perfect quote. And you both, dear ladies, are in my prayers today. I appreciate how you have enriched my inner life over the years!

  8. A wonderful post DOnna. Went to two funerals this week and had lots of time to think about family stories. In the end it is the LOVE of families. Even with their stories about us being quirky, goofy and well, our loving selves

  9. Anonymous3:46 PM

    Thank you for re-posting this. Timelessly beautiful and meaningful. You have such a way of focusing on grace in the hard things.

    Debbie Z.

  10. Anonymous8:00 AM

    Donna, this is one of the many reasons I love your blog and missed it so when you were working.... your blog ... the way you write .... just exudes grace.... whether you are speaking of deep things or simply posting about fashion . There is something in your writing voice which is rare and beautiful. Thank you for giving us things to think about.


    1. Anonymous7:20 PM

      Thank you for your very kind and encouraging words ❤️
      Love Donna


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