Thursday, September 30, 2021

I remember you

Last night I finished reading Anne Lamott's book Plan B.
I found some of her stories engaging and some hilarious, some were so sad and some were irritating.
But they are her stories told with her remarkable way of putting words together. She is self-deprecating and honest.
She is all about the love, baby. It's important to her to love.

It's just that....she has a real hard time loving her mom. She loves her by taking care of her when she is sick and dying.
But she really resents her for being the person she is. For her flaws and weird ways and inability to be a more normal/better mom.

It made me wonder if my children would only see my stupid flaws and weird ways and focus on those when I die.

And I suppose they will. At first. Parents have a way of hurting us when they are not perfect.

My parents were not perfect. But time has rinsed the pain away. What is left is the love.
I let those bad memories fade. I let them go. Way far way...into the fog.
The good memories, I draw near. I embrace them. I cherish them.

I think we need to be gentle with those who have died.
Not for them. But for us.

Learning to forgive people for being the broken people they were is a balm to our souls.
Learning to have mercy heals our hearts.

Time heals.
Forgiveness heals.
Mercy heals.

And then what is left?
The good parts.

The good parts of them. The good parts of us.

The love remains.
Like the cat's water bowl with the hard caked on lime. That lime that will not come off, no matter how hard you scrub.

That's what you want to be stuck with. That kind of stuck on love.

It's what remains.

Love one another,

reprint: 2009


  1. You are whispering to my soul

  2. Anonymous11:05 PM

    So good, Donna. So very good. So wise. When we forgive others, we also set ourselves free. Betsy

  3. Anonymous6:59 AM

    Ephesians 4:32 AMPC
    And become useful and helpful and kind to one another, tenderhearted (compassionate, understanding, loving-hearted), forgiving one another [readily and freely], as God in Christ forgave you.

  4. Thanks Donna for the reminder about love and forgiveness. As I grow closer in age to the end of life (not that anyone knows when they will die, but there is an end for life on earth) I feel like what I have learned and most want to retain is LOVE. Sadly, it is easier to love some and not others, but as well stated in a recent devotion I read, "...may we define ourselves not by what we are against but by what we are for." (Jerusalem Greer,Forward Day By Day) I want to be for loving everyone, to be "caked over" with love. Love and prayers, jep

    1. This is the truth I believe I was meant to learn...
      Even the devil can love the loveable.
      I love the quote you shared.

  5. Oh my. This really hit me hard. My mom died Nov. 28 last year. Ours was not the best relationship. She wanted us to be closer than we were. I held back because of our history. Everything had to be about her - including my wedding. She didn't want my step-mom there. And there was lots more. I have learned to forgive - more for my own spiritual and emotional health than for anything else. But I never could love her with all that she wanted from me. She came home on hospice after being in the hospital for a month. We could not go see her - COVID restrictions. I've had experience with losing loved ones on hospice, and that is such a bittersweet time. I was anticipating a lot of time to re-form our bond. But she died less than one hour after arriving home. I was able to love her unconditionally during that hour, and it was a sweet time. She knew I was there, and she died with me holding her hand. I know I have made mistakes with my kids, but I am thankful that as adults we have close relationships, and recognize that not one of us is perfect.


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